Day Two - not so good...

It is Saturday evening and today has been a really tough one. I woke up with a screaming headache from not having any caffeine. I had a meeting to attend so we rushed out of the house and I put a few ounces of coffee in my shake. Well do to the level of my addition to caffeine it really didn't even begin to touch the headache. So I have decided to stop torturing myself by having a little bit here and there. I am going to cut caffeine out all together.

I have quit caffeine a few times in the past and it takes about three days to get it out of my system. I get severe headaches, sick stomach and I sleep all the time. I guess I am kinda half way through that.

The meeting was four hours. Halfway through they broke for lunch. I had brought my powder for the shake so I had my lunch. :-) It was really frustrating for me. I couldn't go sit with my friends, because they were eating and I couldn't go with Dayna because he was going to be eating. What did I do you ask....well I decided it would be a great time for a pity party. Only one guest....me. Some may think wow how pathetic that I had to go cry because I was not eating a regular lunch. It is very real for me. I was crying because I want to be normal when it comes to food. I don't want everything about food to have so much meaning...the choice is good or bad. I am being right or wrong. I am a disciplined person or I'm not. I got through it and felt better briefly which was encouraging. It didn't last long. Got home and took a three hour nap. Boy times flies when you are sleeping!!

One thing I have been doing is "bouncing" my eyes. It is a technique that many recovering addicts use (alcohol, gambling, sex addition, drugs). What that means is that when I see food rather in person, on TV, a restaurant while we are driving or someone eating I quickly shift my focus on to something not food related. Look at a plant, change the channel, look at the gas station and ponder gas prices - anything to change my thoughts. I know that if I even entertain the thought or visual of food for more than a couple seconds I will not be able to fight that battle. Even now I must change the subject...it's to hard to talk about.

Tomorrow might be a better day, but I don't think so at this point. That's okay...I have planned for it. This is all for a terrific purpose of health and longevity....woooohoooooo (notice small letters...imagine me saying it in a whisper, droopy eyes and a sad weak thumbs up)....