End of week four!!

Well it has been four weeks...I really was concerned when I started. I wasn't sure how I would be able to make it through. The truth is that it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be. There were some times during the first week that I really couldn't see why I was doing this and all I wanted to do was eat something to stop feeling bad. It was basically like withdrawals from alcohol or drugs. I was detoxing my body from fried, unhealthy, sugary foods and caffeine.

I remember asking Dayna (with all sincerity) why am I doing this....it is not that bad....I can just control it a little at a time...the truth was that I couldn't, I hadn't! It is so funny how moments change the course of our lives. What I mean is...the crucial moments of decision that have altered my course. Only to this point though. There are crucial moments everyday that only last seconds, but continue to alter your course. I know if I don't make the right decisions I will drift back to where I was before. Every decision will not be the right one, but if I make more right then wrong I will be ahead of the game!

Great news....my doctor wanted me to go in for a stress treadmill test and I did great. I have a little glich in my EKG, so they wanted to check me out. They were actually impressed that I was able to get my heart rate up to the maximum and stay on as long as I did. I knew I was working out at SWEAT so I needed to test my heart at the maximum!! They said everything responded as it should, my heart beats, my blood pressure, my cooldown...That was great to hear. I could not have done that test as effective a month ago...great accomplishment!! Thanks SWEAT!!! I am going to go back in a year for another one...it will be fun to see the difference!

Bootcamp tomorrow....come join me!!

Where did this week go?

I came on tonight to blog....I thought I missed one day....I haven't written since Sunday....boy times flies when you are having fun! This week has been full of tasks and changes. It seems as if every time I go through a new emotion I have to deal with it without food. Once I have handled it one time, the second time feels so much easier.

This week I began to feel some relief from a situation that has been causing a lot of stress. The sense of relief set off triggers to eat. I made it without eating, but it wasn't easy.

My workouts have been great this week, tough, but great. I can really tell how much more I can do each day. Today though I was a bit disappointed in myself. I did more on several things then ever before (treadmill, bike, stair climber)...I was doing terrific. The last task was to do 200 rotations on the bike (the one with no seat-yikes). I did them 40 at a time and got to 120.....both of these were new accomplishments, but I quit at 120 instead of toughing it out to 200. It really bother me...I felt as if I left incomplete.

The great thing about SWEAT is that they push you to the point of wanting to quit, but they also make it achievable. I will not ever leave again without the completion of my task!

I can't believe the weekend is over...

The past few days have been really tough for me, emotionally. My family has had a lot of things going on that has caused bunches of stress. The good news is that I have not turned to food for my answers!

Saturday morning it was raining so we worked out at the gym. I did not weigh in until afterwards....but I still lost 3 pounds (after drinking tons of water and being soaked from sweat). That makes the total 17 in three weeks....I think that is terrific!!

I think this will be a great, but tough week...this is week four and my intensity level is increasing. I can tell a big difference at bootcamp....Mark only called out "come on Carrie" six times this morning...that is progress :-) All kidding aside I was able to run for much of the workout...the first morning all I could do was walk....so big strides!!

We have many changes coming up in the next few weeks...I am so glad I started this process when I did. If I hadn't who knows how much weight I could have gained during the transition...

No workout tomorrow....maybe a nice long walk!

Tough Friday...

Boy this has been a tough day. My workout was brutal...I push everyday, but today was really hard. Josh trained me for the first time. I had to stop a couple times...I just couldn't breathe...I haven't felt good most of the day. I know it is all for good, but it is definitely not easy.

We had some more challenging things come up today and I again wanted to eat, but the good news is it wasn't near as bad as last time. I didn't eat anything that was unhealthy and I kept it under control.

I know we are in a season of change and that is healthy, not easy, but healthy!!

Thursday workout...

Today was a great day...My workout was really hard, but I did it! I always feel really good when I am done, because there are times when I don't think I can continue. I know that if I cheat then Mark will just assume I am ready for more...sooooo...I NEVER cheat!

We had a great dinner and enjoyed a cheer performance at Ellie's school. It is 10:00 already and I really need some sleep.....Friday's workout will be here soon!!

Work, work, work...

We were going to do just shakes on Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays...but this week ended up being today for day one...there just wasn't a time that Dayna and I would be available to eat together, so shakes it was.

They are really quite good. I have a Magic Bullet (the best appliance ever invented!). I use the small cup and fill it half way with water, put in two scoops of powder and three ice cubes. Then I let it blend until the ice is fully dissolved...it comes out really rich and creamy!! We put Crystal Light in it sometimes for a flavored treat!!

I workout in the morning...I am starting to not feel so much dread about the workouts...I still don't like getting up at 4:30, but I am hoping there will come a time when that doesn't bother me so much.....Once I get in a routine and I am not so tired all the time...being done at 6:00 with my workout will be terrific!!

They've got me running...

Okay only running for a minute or so, then walking, then running again, but that is a heck of a lot more than I could have done two weeks ago. I am feeling really great today! I came home from the workout and spent some quiet time with God. After that I took a shower, ironed my clothes and did my hair. That may not seem like much, but for me the motivation to do all that really felt good. Especially since the first half of January has not been easy.

My friend Maley gave me a challenge today...Emma's Run happens on April 4th...it is a 5K walk/run. It is a good goal to be able to run it by then....Maley...your doing it with me...right?

I really love SWEAT! It is just such a cool place to workout. The energy is terrific!

Today is filled with work...It is so nice to have a clear head to get things done!!

Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

This morning was great...I got to sleep in and did not have to even set the alarm! Ellie was out of school and no workout this morning. I still woke up at 7:30...oh well so much for sleeping in. I did take a nap for a few hours this afternoon.

I have been hungry today...we had a great meal from Dash -n- Dine for lunch and shakes for the rest of the day. Dayna had his first meal in a week....he was in heaven while eating, but said he felt stuffed. Not such a good feeling...We are going to do only shakes on Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays. The other days we will have three shakes and one balanced meal. We will give this a go for a week then reevaluate.

I have tons of work to do this week so I need to focus on getting good sleep. That means eight hours for me...that is hard to do getting up at 4:30am. I really feel it if I don't sleep enough...I end up falling back to sleep when I get back from the workout. That is not going to be productive long term. The ideal is to get done with my workout at 6:00 and come home get ready and be prepared for my day by 7:00am. That is when Ellie wakes up and needs mommy morning time. When I drop her off at 8:00 my day needs to start...that way I am ready to spend time with her at 3:00 when she gets home. That is a really important time for her and I...it must be a priority!!

More tomorrow...

Tough weekend...

Well, I am finally feeling better...I have had my monthly and with that comes severe cramping. When I was younger exercise lessened the pain, but that was not true this month. I felt like I did the best I could this weekend at bootcamp....The nice thing is that I am wanting to do more and feel encouraged that I am feeling that way.

I weighed in Saturday morning and I lost two pounds. That makes a total of 14 so far. I am pleased, but I sure am hoping for a bigger number next week!!

I am looking forward to the feeling better part....overall I have had a pretty rough go of it so far this month. I know it will all be worth it! I was talking with Wendi Reed at bootcamp on Saturday and she told me to hang in there....she lost 102 pounds with SWEAT and has keep it off for two years! I think if she could do it, so could I! That's what I hope to do for others throughout my journey!!

Dayna has been on the shakes for five days. He has lost nine pounds so far! He does not work out during the week at SWEAT, but he is doing the bootcamps on Saturdays and Sundays. It was fun to watch him this morning...I could really tell how much he has improved since last week!! Keep going Dayna....you can do it!! Love you!

Tomorrow is a day of getting caught up around the house. The deal I made with my family was that I was not going to do anything around the house during the first 30 days...well since I am feeling better, Dayna and I are going to work as a team to get things caught up...you know....laundry, dishes, dusting and floors....how come it never ends?

I workout again on Tuesday...

Friday evening...

Well I felt better after I worked out this morning. I was still tired when I got home, so I went back to sleep. I woke up for about 30 minutes to get Ellie's lunch ready and get her off to school. After that I went back to sleep until 10:30. I can't seem to get enough sleep some days.

My legs are very, very sore. I have been using Pain-A-Trate....a soothing rub for sore muscles. Also a friend of mine suggested that I use a hair brush with plastic tips to rub briskly over the sore muscles. (She is always training) What is it supposed to do is break up the tightness and release the lactic acid. It sounds funny, but it seems to help!

I weigh in tomorrow. I am a bit worried...I am trying to start my monthly, but it is not the same as usual. I am sure that the change in activity has made a difference. I am hoping to maintain tomorrow. I have eaten only what I am supposed to and I have worked out every time I was scheduled. I am sure I will have a big loss next week once my body settles down.

Dayna is really doing great on his shakes! This is his fourth day and he is going strong! We both have bootcamp in the morning. I am actually looking forward to it! Hopefully I will see a few of you out there with us.....you know who you are :-)

Friday Morning...Early!

It is Friday morning at 4:20am...I want to go back to bed sooooooo bad. I was up late last night and I am just starting my monthly....what fun! :-) I am trying to wake up!!! This sucks....having to workout to be healthy....why can't I go into a booth and push the button and "poof" it's done?

Carey has been training me this week. He is really inventive. I have found the workouts to be killers, but I just say in my head "Thank you sir may I have another." The nice thing about going in at 5:00am is that no one is leaving the gym exhausted. Everyone is fresh and ready to workout...except maybe me today....

Tired day!!

It was a really long day for me....very tired! I worked today and spent some extra time with Ellie....it was a half day.

I am going to bed...

Where did yesterday go?

It is Tuesday and I am feeling great. My head is getting clearer everyday. Yesterday was a good day. I did have an emotional situation happen last night. Boy did I want to eat. I didn't want to workout this morning. I wanted to have a glass of wine and eat something fried and greasy. Stuff myself until I felt full. That way there was no room for hurt. Then just sit and feel frustrated and out of control.

The good news is that I didn't eat and I went to workout this morning!! I came home and spent some quiet time meditating and giving my difficulties to God. This is going to be a better year! I am not going to internalize things that I have no control over.

My experience with SWEAT has been very different than anything I have ever done like this before. It is one trainer to about six people working out. The atmosphere is energetic! Everyone is constantly doing something different and everyone is being pushed to the full potential. When I feel like I can't do anymore I just need to look around and see that everyone is pushing it and struggling BUT they keep going! So it immediately inspires me to continue! The music is great and the movement of everyone really creates a great energy in the room. The hour really does go by faster then you think!! Don't get my wrong...I have NEVER worked out this hard....I am sore and many times I think I can't continue...but I do and I have another workout under my belt. (no pun intended :-))

Sunday...

I am really tired today. We went to bootcamp this morning...another great experience!! After church I had my shake and felt very tired so I took a nap....I woke up four hours later...I must have needed it!!

It is now 8:40 and I am going to bed.....Tomorrow is my day off of workouts so I will take a nice long walk!!

Bootcamp was great!! First weigh in!!

Well this morning was bootcamp. I woke up before my alarm and felt excited about going! Dayna was not as excited though. He is a great sport, but knew he hadn't worked out for a long time. It was fun and the time went by fast, plus we got a heck of a workout! Dayna was feeling a bit light-headed after we were done and he said his legs felt like Jello. He was better a few minutes after we got home. The glassy eyed look went away. :-)

My first weigh in was this morning. I weighed in at 247 a loss of 12 pounds my first week! I am thrilled. I feel that my weight will really start melting off my body as I continue to workout and eat right. My energy level is up and my headaches are gone. Today when I got home from the park I did not have any need for a nap. It is 2:30 in the afternoon and I am still not ready to sleep...that is huge!!!

Today we are doing things around the house and getting ready to watch the Cardinals play at 5:00. I would love to see them win and move on in the playoffs. Being a native of Phoenix...it has been a long wait for a winning football team!!

Dinner tonight....Peppercorn Balsamic Pork Tenderloin, whole wheat pasta and more green beans and asparagus....yummy!!!

Workout Number 3!

Well I woke up this morning still not feeling well. I had a headache and I did not think I would be able to workout. I took a couple Ibuprofen and off I went. I got there and started walking on the treadmill. I told Mark how I had been feeling and he reassured me that was normal and soon I would have more energy. When I finished the hour I felt really good. My body felt good, but tired and my head felt good.

I only got a few hours of sleep last night, so I came home and sleep for about four hours. When I woke up at 10:00 I felt good. It took me a bit to wake up, but once I did I felt really great. I don't think I can even begin to realize how bad I have felt for the past couple of years. Hopefully today was the day that my energy shift starts happening.

I did stuff around the house, worked for a few hours and even caught myself dancing while I was cleaning out the refrigerator. After I picked up Ellie I went on errands, then to the grocery store. While at the grocery store I stayed focused and just thought about the next thing I was purchasing. It went well. We came home and unloaded the car. The next thing was awesome...

Ellie wanted to cook dinner for her and her brother (their menu was different than ours this evening). I had the energy to walk her through the steps and have fun doing it! In the past she would ask and I would have to say no, I just needed to get it done, that was all I could manage.

My first meal was terrific!! We had the salmon with brown rice, green beans and asparagus. It was delicious! Thanks Dine -n- Dash for the great meal!! After dinner we watched a show from 7:00 - 8:00. After that my son was surfing the channels. I asked if anyone wanted to go for a walk (I had prepared Dayna earlier that I might ask). Without much resistance we were out the door, all four of us plus the three dogs! We went 2.5 miles....wow....better than watching more TV!

Bootcamp in the morning at 7:00am-8:15am (at the park)....it's a great way to get your feet wet with SWEAT....it's only $10 a bootcamp session as long as you register earlier in the week!! I will let you know how that goes tomorrow!

Second workout....ouch!!

I only have a few minutes today, but I had to write a few thoughts...My second workout was today and I have to say that it was really hard. I don't think I complained enough about my first workout! Josh (owner of SWEAT) if you are reading this reassured that Mark caused me pain this morning!! :-)

I am still very tired during the day. I am taking a couple of naps. I think that is due to the change my body is going thru. I do have awesome moments of feeling good, but it passes quickly....at least I know what I am looking forward to!!

I workout again tomorrow morning at 5:00 am....I will keep you posted!!

Day Six - Its hard to control the eating...

Last night Dayna brought home some strawberries for me to have. He washed them and placed them on a plate. I truly felt like a princess when they were brought to me...these amazing small morsels of God's candy - fruit! They tasted so good! The challenge came in when I was finished. I had just activated the launch sequence...I was eating again!!!

After four days of not eating I was in trouble. I wanted to eat...I wasn't hungry....it just felt so good to eat. This does have a happy ending...I did eat a couple things I wasn't supposed to: three bites of plain tuna (in water), a few slices of cucumber and two dill pickle slices.

It was funny though. Even though I only ate very low calorie, healthy items, I still felt like I had blown it. I suck, I'm a failure, I can't do this and many of my other favorites that I turn to. Over the evening I had to walk myself through the mental process of...I am human and I make mistakes...I made good choices and learned how difficult the eating was for me. One of the things I have been saying to myself during this time is why didn't I just do it at a slower pace. There are so many different diet and meals plans out there that I have tried. I keep thinking maybe that would be a better way to go. Now I know the answer...I cannot control managing all my food. The shakes are great for me. I will only have to think about food once a day (much easier for me than three times - at this point).

This brings me to today...I am feeling better as far as my headache goes. I do feel sad from time to time when it hits me that my relationship with food can never be the same. It kinda hits me out of the blue and I feel a sense of panic...I know it sounds crazy....That is when all my fears gang up and try to tackle me.....I am still working on learning how to manage that....

Okay one more eating thing...I had a can of black beans this afternoon (it has been two paragraphs since my last confession)...I know it was a healthy choice, but I couldn't stop myself (okay wouldn't, but it felt like couldn't). I went to drop Ellie off at practice and I battled in my head all the way home.....I knew there were wheat thins in the cupboard. They are sixteen crackers for 140 calories...driving home I thought I'll just have 16 crackers....now who am I kidding....16 = rest of box.

So I decided to come home and have my last shake (5:30pm), go up to my office and work, drink 64 ounces of water, catch up on my food journal and go get Ellie at 6:45pm. I am going to take one of our dogs, be in tennis shoes and have our jackets, so we can park the car when we get home and go for a walk.

All in all great success so far....next workout...tomorrow morning (oh by the way I am having trouble scratching my nose because my arms are so sore!!)

First Workout!!

I was up bright and early at 4:00am to get ready for my first workout. This was the first time I woke up without a headache in five days! I got to the gym at 4:51am and no one was there. By the time 5:00am hit there was about 20 cars in the parking lot. Everyone was friendly and excited about the results that had achieved at SWEAT.

Mark was my trainer this morning. He was good to challenge me, but to respect that this is new for me and my body. Don't get me wrong I worked really hard and I did sweat a lot! I guess I had it worked up in my head as being something really awful, so when it wasn't, I was pleasantly surprised. The format is fast paced and you never know what is coming next.

After the workout I came home and went back to bed. I know you are supposed to feel energized after working out, but I am not quite there yet.... ;-)

The rest of my day was productive and I am slowly starting to feel my energy level coming back. I called Laura and let her know my need to just eat something. She said I could have some berries, so Dayna is at the store getting me some fresh strawberries!! (it is important to know that I am not starving, but my body just wants something to eat)

I have two more days then I get to have one meal a day. I have already put my order in for the SWEAT approved menu at Dash-n-Dine. They prepare healthy meals that you order and then just put into the oven. The prices are reasonable because each order has three servings. Check them out at www.dashndineonline.com ....it might be a nice alternative, especially those days when time is tight!!

I am looking forward to tomorrow...I want to have a full day of feeling great. I don't workout, but I will probably go for a nice long walk with Ellie (my daughter)!

Day Four....maybe some light....

Last night Dayna and I went to the movies. Movie popcorn is not something I enjoy. I have only ordered it a couple of times in my life....I am a candy girl. I was able to close my eyes and focus on just getting in the theatre. Dayna was very respectful and did not have anything to eat. I did have him stop in and get me a cup of hot water so I could sip on some herbal tea. That herbal tea has been such a God send. It is my new 31 flavors!!!

This morning was okay...still had the headache. I was able to get a few things done work wise. About half as productive as I would have like to have been. That's okay....my focus is on getting healthy. I will be able to function much better in a few days I am sure.

I hit a wall at about 2:30 - bad headache again...so I took a nap for a couple of hours. When I woke up I was really struggling. I just wanted something. I was even craving a can of green beans......wow! I was able to talk with Dayna and let him know I didn't think I could do this. I wasn't even sure why I was doing this. My health issues, lack of energy and shorten life span didn't seem very important this afternoon.

With Dayna's encouragement I was able to push through it and by about 8:00 my headache started to go away. It is still there, but at least I can distract myself from it a bit to relax.

Just in time....my first workout is tomorrow morning at 5:00 am...I am a little nervous and scared. When I was getting closer to giving birth to Ellie I rationalized that I could handle the pain as long as it didn't hurt as bad as getting my leg cut off by a chain saw (worst pain I could think of). When I mentioned that to Josh he assured me that it would not hurt that bad...so I think I will survive!!

Day Three - Even harder

Well I went to bed at about 10:30 last night. I woke up at 8:30am took some more Ibuprofen, went to the restroom and went back to bed. The next time I woke up it was 1:15 in the afternoon. Wow almost fifteen hours of straight sleep. I thought great only half the day and all my shakes. The reality has been that today has been sooooo difficult. I think getting behind on my eating schedule made the hunger back up a bit.

I have been having a shake every couple of hours, but really having withdrawals. I am feeling like - why am I doing this. I could just cut back. Things weren't that bad. I am so frustrated that I know what I can do to feel better...it is so easy...make a trip to get my favorite food, a large Diet Coke and some ice cream. I would feel like a million bucks for about an hour. Then reality would set in.

I just took a shower and we are going to see a movie. We picked a comedy...hope laughter will help. I am taking even more Ibuprofen as the headache is still there.

I am really worried about tomorrow. I have so much work to do (from home) and no one will be home. I think I might park my car across the street and work in it. My cordless phone works from there....I don't know...to much to think about right now.

Day Two - not so good...

It is Saturday evening and today has been a really tough one. I woke up with a screaming headache from not having any caffeine. I had a meeting to attend so we rushed out of the house and I put a few ounces of coffee in my shake. Well do to the level of my addition to caffeine it really didn't even begin to touch the headache. So I have decided to stop torturing myself by having a little bit here and there. I am going to cut caffeine out all together.

I have quit caffeine a few times in the past and it takes about three days to get it out of my system. I get severe headaches, sick stomach and I sleep all the time. I guess I am kinda half way through that.

The meeting was four hours. Halfway through they broke for lunch. I had brought my powder for the shake so I had my lunch. :-) It was really frustrating for me. I couldn't go sit with my friends, because they were eating and I couldn't go with Dayna because he was going to be eating. What did I do you ask....well I decided it would be a great time for a pity party. Only one guest....me. Some may think wow how pathetic that I had to go cry because I was not eating a regular lunch. It is very real for me. I was crying because I want to be normal when it comes to food. I don't want everything about food to have so much meaning...the choice is good or bad. I am being right or wrong. I am a disciplined person or I'm not. I got through it and felt better briefly which was encouraging. It didn't last long. Got home and took a three hour nap. Boy times flies when you are sleeping!!

One thing I have been doing is "bouncing" my eyes. It is a technique that many recovering addicts use (alcohol, gambling, sex addition, drugs). What that means is that when I see food rather in person, on TV, a restaurant while we are driving or someone eating I quickly shift my focus on to something not food related. Look at a plant, change the channel, look at the gas station and ponder gas prices - anything to change my thoughts. I know that if I even entertain the thought or visual of food for more than a couple seconds I will not be able to fight that battle. Even now I must change the subject...it's to hard to talk about.

Tomorrow might be a better day, but I don't think so at this point. That's okay...I have planned for it. This is all for a terrific purpose of health and longevity....woooohoooooo (notice small letters...imagine me saying it in a whisper, droopy eyes and a sad weak thumbs up)....

Tough Spot...

It is 4:30 Saturday morning and I woke up with a really bad caffeine headache. I am not to have my coffee shake until later. I had made myself a cup of hot tea. I am going to sip on it a few times and try to go back to sleep.

One of the things I did that has been so helpful (one of those beautiful accidents ;-)) is that I put an electric water pitcher in my office upstairs so if I wanted some tea during the day I could just plug it in. Well that has been the best gift....I don't have to even go downstairs to get my tea. I don't think I could handle the kitchen right now.

The middle of the night has been a time that I wake up and eat something. So getting through this without having to go to the "K-room" is terrific.

This too shall pass...

Day One - Success

It is Friday night and I just got home from two different parties. I was very nervous about my ability to make it through. Dayna and I had an agreement that if I stated I had to go....no questions asked we were out of there. This gave me the freedom to relax knowing that I was in control of our time there.

Well I did not have to leave either one early and to top it off I had a great time! I really made it a point to not look at the food or get near it. I know if I would have taken a few seconds to see what was available I would not have been able to stop thinking about it. Even typing about it is making me have a twinge of difficulty. So enough about that...

Today was my first day and I have been successful. This is the beginning of rebuilding the trust with myself that I have broken millions of times. Broken promises of change that never happened. Step by step I am going to restore my integrity with myself. Something I lost a long time ago concerning weight.

Step One - Complete!

Well this morning's photo shoot went well...hahaha! It consisted of four pictures taken of me in my bathing suit...oh joy!! I thought Christmas was over, but the gifts keep on coming...

All kidding aside, my experience this morning at SWEAT was terrific. Josh was extremely professional and made me feel completely at ease. We set some goals, took measurements, calculated body fat and weighed in. My official weight was 259 and my body fat content was 52%.

I started my shakes today. My first one was good. It was not a five course breakfast, but that's okay. I am a little hungry right now. I will be having another shake in an hour or so. The other challenge for me is the caffeine issue. I drink tons of Diet Coke and coffee. I am limited to 5oz of coffee in the morning in my first shake. I promised to consume what they tell me, so I will comply. Josh did not say how strong I could make the coffee though...hummmmm?

I have to give my husband, Dayna, major kudos. He is handling everything related to food this week: shopping, cooking, feeding the kids, cleaning the kitchen. I really don't even want to go in there except to make my shakes and leave. Thanks Honey for your support!

Many of my friends and family have sent me supportive emails or comments. Thanks to each and everyone of you!! It is really nice to know you are out there sending me great thoughts and prayers! For those of you that don't know anything about SWEAT you can go to their website at http://www.sweatchallenge.com/ . There are really cool before and after pictures in their photo gallery.

Every twelve weeks there is a challenge. The winners get prizes and accolades. The goals we set today are based on that twelve week period. My goal is to weigh 210 and lose 18% of my body fat. It seems lofty to me, but Josh reassured me that it is definitely doable! I must admit that I feel very excited to have the opportunity to achieve such amazing results.

My goal is to get through today. That is it...stay focused, stay focused, stay focused.......

Happy New Year!!

Well it is January 1st 2009!! I must say New Year's Eve was pretty uneventful, but the midnight kiss with my husband was really special. It was great to say goodbye to 2008 and know deep inside how much change this new year will bring.

I am on a "pretty excited" high right now. I can see that I am going to face my new challenge with gusto! Due to the uncertainty of my emotions...that could change at any moment. I have to remain focus on the next step only.

Next step...tomorrow morning I will be going to SWEAT to get measured, weighed and to have that special before picture taken. Laura recommended a one piece bathing suit for the picture. I must say I agree it will provide the "MOST" honest picture, but I truly did not think that I would be wearing it outside our backyard. Oh well...everyone needs a starting place and this is mine.

It is my understanding that I will begin the meal replacement shakes tomorrow (Friday). My old ways would lead me to anticipate everyday and how it will feel. I have decided to just "make it" to the next meal. This is a struggle for me...the "one day at a time" thing I mean. I am a planner!! I want to "think" I know what is going to happen. Truth is, that is just a false sense of security, life has doesn't have a Daytimer. I have heard it said..."If you want to make God laugh show him your plans!"

I had someone very wise make a comment the other day. That someone was my eight year old daughter - she told me that she can't wait to grow up. I asked her why and what her plans were. (This has not been the first time we have had this discussion.) Her response was the magical part...she said, "Mommy I don't want to know...it would spoil the surprise!" WOW...the surprise...what a way to look at my future. It is this wonderful surprise that God has in store for me...planning it would only be like unwrapping your gifts early. Although I would get to see the gifts sooner...the impact would not be as strong or as pure.

The truth is that all the planning in the world would not guarantee the outcome of my life. I may think I know what the present under the tree is...after all I have shaken it, smelled it and turned it upside down...I must know. The reality is that I don't know. If I live my life day by day, facing each challenge head on with focus and purpose the time to open the gifts will come quicker then I think.

Next step...find my bathing suit...