It is the last day of the year. Wow 2008 was really a tough one. If there is one thing I know... the most difficult years in my life have been the catalyst for the biggest changes. That means that 2009 will be one of my best years yet!
Yesterday was a really scary day for me. I made a commitment to SWEAT. I am all in! Well what does that mean you ask? I will be consuming what they tell me to consume. I will be doing whatever they tell me to do and I will like it (okay, I will probably hate it! At first anyways...)
I have had an amazing flood of emotions going on since 3:30 yesterday afternoon. I even woke up at 1:30 in the morning and sat straight up. The words out of my mouth were "What the HECK have I done?" I think I said heck... I am scared, nervous and excited all at the same time. What fears do I have....well the list is long but distingushed (a line from Top Gun-remember Goose and Mavrick in the bar?) Back to my fears...I have a fear I won't be able to do the workouts. I know I will want to quit, my fear is that I will quit. I am afraid of who I will be without the weight. I fear I will have loose skin. I have a fear I will starve. I fear I will fail again. I fear I will succeed and lose the excuse I have used my whole life. The excuse to live less then my potential. "When I lose this weight I will..."
It is important that I be completely honest during this blogging process. So here goes...I weigh approximately 260 pounds and I am a towering 5'1" tall. The first time I went on a diet was at the age of 6. My mom has always battled her weight and I wanted to be like her. I do not hold my mother responsible for my weight issues, she was only fighting her own battles. I am 43 years old and have lived away from home since I was nineteen, so this is on me at this point. I do need to acknowledge how I got here though. As you can see my weight issues started at a very young age for me. I was only 10 pounds overweight, but when you are a child that really shows up.
Thru this process I will share my lifetime of difficulties I have had with weight. I am hoping that this will enable those of you who love me to know what I am feeling and how they can best support me. I also hope there will be men and women that can relate to my struggles and thru this find some encouragement to move forward towards a healthier life....So you will have to continue tuning in...Same blog channel, same blog time!!
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I am soo proud of you!!
ReplyDeleteI LUV U!!
Carrie,
ReplyDeleteI have gone to SWEAT for several years. It's tough but doable. The team in there is great and those you work out with are too tired to judge anyone else on how they look! I hated the thought of shakes at first but now they are not bad at all. The workouts were killers initially but after awhile you can get through them. Just hang in there and you will be rewarded big time.
I'm praying that 2009 will be a great year from you and your family. You are such a positive, amazing person and I'm pulling for you big time. Just know, even when you have been feeling down and feeling like your year was bad in 2008, I know you made a difference in others' lives. Kendra and I commented recently how positive a person you are and how much we like being around you and Dana.
Looking forward to your progress!
Doug