What did I do?

It is the last day of the year. Wow 2008 was really a tough one. If there is one thing I know... the most difficult years in my life have been the catalyst for the biggest changes. That means that 2009 will be one of my best years yet!


Yesterday was a really scary day for me. I made a commitment to SWEAT. I am all in! Well what does that mean you ask? I will be consuming what they tell me to consume. I will be doing whatever they tell me to do and I will like it (okay, I will probably hate it! At first anyways...)

I have had an amazing flood of emotions going on since 3:30 yesterday afternoon. I even woke up at 1:30 in the morning and sat straight up. The words out of my mouth were "What the HECK have I done?" I think I said heck... I am scared, nervous and excited all at the same time. What fears do I have....well the list is long but distingushed (a line from Top Gun-remember Goose and Mavrick in the bar?) Back to my fears...I have a fear I won't be able to do the workouts. I know I will want to quit, my fear is that I will quit. I am afraid of who I will be without the weight. I fear I will have loose skin. I have a fear I will starve. I fear I will fail again. I fear I will succeed and lose the excuse I have used my whole life. The excuse to live less then my potential. "When I lose this weight I will..."

It is important that I be completely honest during this blogging process. So here goes...I weigh approximately 260 pounds and I am a towering 5'1" tall. The first time I went on a diet was at the age of 6. My mom has always battled her weight and I wanted to be like her. I do not hold my mother responsible for my weight issues, she was only fighting her own battles. I am 43 years old and have lived away from home since I was nineteen, so this is on me at this point. I do need to acknowledge how I got here though. As you can see my weight issues started at a very young age for me. I was only 10 pounds overweight, but when you are a child that really shows up.

Thru this process I will share my lifetime of difficulties I have had with weight. I am hoping that this will enable those of you who love me to know what I am feeling and how they can best support me. I also hope there will be men and women that can relate to my struggles and thru this find some encouragement to move forward towards a healthier life....So you will have to continue tuning in...Same blog channel, same blog time!!